Picturing my heartbeat
by Satyana
Summary: In the end, Magnus - an upcoming photographer - will love his broken alarm clock because of what started like a really bad morning will end in a life changing journey with a shy black-haired man. But the road ahead of them is edged by many rocks. Will their love be strong enough to guide them through? And will there be a shining future at the end of it?
1. chapter 1 - Picturing the Beginning

_**- Picturing my heartbeat -**_

**Summary: In the end, Magnus will love his broken alarm clock because of what started like a really bad morning will end in a life changing journey with a shy black-haired man. But the road ahead of them is edged by many rocks. Will their love be strong enough to guide them through? And will there be a shining future at the end of it?**

**Notes: So here it is - my first fanfiction story online. Never ever done that before because I didn't had the courage to post them. Not even my husband got the chance to read them, thanks to my damn shyness and my self-doubts.**

**So therefore be patient with me and more important, help me to get better in my writing. Tell me what's not good, what you didn't like or maybe what you would have changed. And hopefully with all your help, I may be able to get better. Step by step. So please tell me your opinion.**

**Disclaimer: Who am I kidding. Of course I don't own TMI. I just own all of my spelling mistakes and my bad grammar.**

‚_No, no, NO! Why today?! Shit, I'll be late again.'_ In a hurry I grabbed my keys which were lying on the cupboard next to me and opened the front door while loudly cursing to myself that I didn't had enough time to finish my typical magnificent and damn sexy Magnus-Bane-look. Only had proper time to get my make up on. Well, I wouldn't normally call it "make up". Just had the chance to put eyeliner and lipgloss on – the minimum for me, with less I wouldn't set a foot out of my flat. But for more, there wasn't enough time. The sun wasn't up yet but already I had to burry down my good mood. And to top that all my damn hair was lying flat. No fucking time for glittering it up_. _

'_Could the day even get worse?'_ I muttered to myself with an huge irony sign above my head. Blinking like there is no tomorrow. I didn't only feel like mud, no, I literally looked like it as well.

'_If I survive this damn day',_ I sweared, _'I will joyfully smash that damn alarm clock into pieces and then I'll feed the rest to my cat'._

Oh dear, that bastard of a cat. Well normally I would have thanked the Chairman for waking me up half an hour ago while the clock didn't do his proper job. But how on earth could I continue to love that little fur of hell when the cats' waking act was to ram his needle-claws into my back, because he thought that it would be so much fun to play hide and seek on me?!

Needless to mention that now I had six new scars on my normally pretty upper back. Six holes in my precious skin, only covered with hello-kitty-band-aid – bought by my best friend Camille because she thought it would be soooo funny – yeah, well, laughed the whole day I got them from her. NOT.

But nonetheless, they stopped the liter of blood running down my body ten minutes ago so I got the chance to finally step into my favorite cloth without bloodstains.

The picture of the icecold water in my bathroom which resulted in me not taking a shower, was the last memory I got while I slammed the door loudly in his hinge and ran out of my flat.

I carefully watched my feet trying not to fall down the two floors ahead of me, because I hardly knew my luck today. If I fall, my face would have a bad date with the floor. And I already got a muddy mood, a muddy look and a muddy smell, so I definitely didn't need a bloody face too. My back had already lost enough blood for weeks.

I entered the street, went to my left and run as fast as I could while trying not to run into another person. And that was definitely the biggest problem . As if the whole population of Brooklyn decided to camp in front of my apartment complex.

But I did well so far and after ten minutes of running I got to the final block where I only had to turn right to get to my studio.

'_Camille will kill me, if I'm not on schedule. Today we had THE photo shooting of the year for us. Every single magazine will show our pictures because we got an only-contract with the most popular band in the whole US for shooting the pictures for their new record coming out next month.'_ I thought and therefore I speeded up my running while I looked down at my watch. Ten minutes left. That's good. I could make it. I really could make it on time.

A small smile began to spread on my face. I went around the corner and the next thing I felt, was me crashing into a solid body.

I bumbed with my back onto the street and my head kissed the road behind me. For a small amount of time I got overwhelmed by a comforting darkness. My chest felt like it was on fire because streams of a hot liquid kept soaking through my Armani suit.

Seconds later I felt the present of a person at my side. A strong hand brushed my face and I could hear a stuttering voice. A voice filled with panic and guilty.

"Ever…. Everything ok…. Is everything ok with you?"

The hand clapped softly at my cheek as if to wake me up. I ignored the ringing pain in my head and tried to open my eyes. A burning stitch went through my whole body and I winced in pain.

'_Damn that did hurt'_

"By the angels, I'm…. I'm so…. truly sorry, didn't see…. you coming. I… I swear…. I hadn't seen…. you coming." The voice continued in a soft and caressing voice, but still he was stammering.

"Please open your eyes or at least say something." The sound of the voice got needier. It was the first connected sentence.

'_Stuttering suits your sweet, angelic voice more.'_ I thought and meanwhile I started to check all my limbs. Still not ready to open my eyes. Nothing seemed to hurt except of my head and my chest.

Apparently my checking movements showed the person next to me that I'm still alive, because I could hear some thanks by him to some random angels and then a swearing of never walk again while drinking coffee and reading a book.

'_So no multi-tasking, huh? What a pity. That could be very handy at some point.'_ came immediately to my mind.

I waved my head to get rid of the thought and the result was again a great wave of an unpleasant pain.

"Still there, sir?" there, the voice again.

'_Man, I could get used to this voice. It was calm and steady. You immediately eased hearing it. He definitely should think about reading yoga-mantras onto cds.'_

"Ok, I'll call 911 now."

"No."_ 'Shit, that came out harsher than planned'_

"Really. No need for that." I tried to sound softer this time and by this I began to count up to five, took a final deep breath and finally started to open my eyes.

I blinked twice and made a loud scream out of surprise, because I directly look into an ocean full of blue - only an inch away from me. He took a small step aside and I instantly missed his closeness. Moments ago I could felt his warm present and it felt… homey.

"Sorry… didn't mean… to frighten you." again this likeable stammering of him. It made me smile.

"How could such a beauty ever frighten me?" It was more of a statement than a question.

His cheeks promptly started to blush and his gaze wandered to the sidewalk. I exploited this chance to get a better look of him. He seemed to be tall. Not as tall as me, but still taller than normal man. Under his dark-colored and loosely clothes I could identify a muscular body. His hair was raven black. Quite an handsome man, I had to confess.

As if he felt my staring, his blush deepend. He cleared his throat and directly looked into my eyes. And by that I got stuck in his vision. I couldn't remember ever seeing such beautiful eyes before. Their color – a lightblue - like the Caribbean Sea and so clear and deep like a quiet morning sky in winter. I kept my look on his eyes and got immediately drunken. I had to swallow hard.

Damn, black and blue was always my favorite couple.

As he realized that I wouldn't look away, again a slight brush appeared on his cheeks and he cleared his throat and by that he took his gaze away. Apparently the sidewalk seemed to be more interesting than my face and my heart felt like it got a crack.

"Can you stand up?" he paused and waited for a reaction. "It would be the best if you go to a hospital… Perhaps you have a concussion." with a less confident voice he continued "Is…Is it ok… ok for you if I check … your back of your head? I didn't see blood on the ground…. but you… you can't know for sure." By the end of his sentence he started to bit on his lower lip. As if he was totally unsure what I would answer to his request.

"You never have to ask for touching me, beauty" _'well, nice one, Bane. You could definitely star in the movie "How to get rid of him in two sentences"'_

Apparently he put my babbling on the headbump to the sidewalk, because he leaned closer again, reached behind my head and carefully stroked me. Intuitionaly I closed my eyes and leaned against his caressing hand. As he finished his examination and didn't find anything alarmingly, he pulled away.

And again, my body felt like he was sad that the warm feeling was gone. I opened my eyes and looked into a deeply blushed face.

"Can you stand up?" There was this question again "It's really cold down there." And by that he handed me a helping hand. I nodded and took his hands. Simultaneously we went up. He really was nearly as tall as me.

"Here, take this napkin. And, uhm, I'm really sorry for your suit."

'_My suit?! Ah, shiiiit_.' With that I remembered everything. I crashed into him, because I was running to gain time back. Damn.

"Don't worry. For what have we invented the cleaning industry?" I assured him and he relaxed by my words.

"Nevertheless, let me pay for that mess!" he insisted and pointed at the coffeestains. "Here, take my number and contact me when you get the bill." I took his business card and read his name.

'Alexander Lightwood - _What a pretty name for a pretty man.'_

"I will, Alexander." I purred his name in a flirtatious manner. Rolling the "r".

And I got lucky, because again I saw this pretty blush on his porcelain skin.

"So, uhm, thank you for … staying and helping me." Was I now really stammering as well?

"Well, it was my fault in the first place. So don't thank me. It was all… my fault." He gave me a sorry look.

"So, uhm… wish you a better day … "

"Magnus"

"What?"

"My name… My name is Magnus Bane." I really didn't know why I had the urge to tell him my name. But I had to tell him otherwise I would've regretted it in a way.

"Oh, okay then, uhm…. wish you a better day… Magnus… better than it had started ." and with that he started to bit on his lower lip again. I literally could see his head working. He wasn't sure how to say goodbye in this situation.

And for a moment there were only the two of us in a bubble of time. The crowd around us zoomed out. The traffic jam on the street next to us wasn't to be heard.

I took a step closer and by that I was in his personal space again. My body recognized the need warmth of his body. Muscles eased. I felt calm and took him in an embrace.

He stiffened immediately but in the next moment he… relaxed. Just to be stiffened up again the very next second.

I felt that he started to pull away and I let him his will. He cleared his throat and looked down again.

"Bye then." He whispered.

"Yeah, bye, Alexander."

"Alec… I go by… Alec, actual."

"Well, I'm more into Alexander." And with that I waved a goodbye while I saw again this handsome blush of his own because of my ambiguous sentence.'_ I definitely could get used to it.'_

He just nodded, mouthed a goodbye then turned around walking away.

With a brief look on his card I finished my way to the studio.

After all, the day wasn't that bad.

**So, uhm, what do you think? Is it worth it, to continue? Please tell me.**

**With lots of greetings, Satyana**


	2. chapter 2 - Picturing the dream

**Note: Just a small chapter in-between.**

chapter 2 - Picturing my dreams

Minutes later, still his card in my hand, I arrived at my destination. The building in front of me, which was completely covered by red clinker, had six floors and our studio was directly located on the ground level. Very handy for gaining new customers, because we easily could exhibit our pictures in the windows which were towards the street, so everybody, who went by, had the chance to see our pictures showing what we were capable of.

* * *

Camille and I found this little admired jewel directly after our arrival back from France to where we had moved five years ago to study photography at the local university of Paris after my father had finally passed away. But half a year before we had the chance to write our finals, we had to move back again, because of, well, we had our reasons.

Actually, I had my reasons. Camille had just followed my path as like she always did. Never even thinking of leaving my side. Like she was a lighthouse guiding me through the rough sea I called life. And she never judged neither me nor the situation I got myself in. Instead she always comforted me whenever I needed a warm embrace or the feeling of being loved.

So we went back to New York last fall. With no money, no degree and no idea of what to do now. Just the two of us and that was all what counted in the end.

And on a Wednesday morning the chance waved at us and we instantly grabbed it by the hair.

As usual, we were sitting in our favorite coffee shop in Brooklyn, sipping on our drinks and reading the local newspaper, hoping to find a job, so that we could at least afford the rent for the upcoming month. On the table behind us there an older woman chatting with a man, who seemed to be her grandson . First they talked about her health. Apparently she wasn't doing well. Her heart got weaker. Poor her. After some time the topic changed into something what caught my attention. Molly, the name of the friendly looking woman was, seemed to have a little flower shop not far from here which she has to give up because of her heartproblems. Now she wanted to find someone who will rent the shop. Her grandson wanted to help her and that was the reason why the met in here. I looked at Cammi, grabbed her by her arm and pulled her with me to the table behind us.

"Excuse me ma'am, I'm sorry to interrupt you but, uhm, my name is Magnus Bane and this is" I pointed at my best friend next to me "is Camille Belcourt" I directly began to talk to the both of them in front of us. It was now or never. This had to work.

She appraised us with her dark brown eyes. Her face showed every single year of her age, but her eyes were spraying with curiosity like a small girl.

"Well, hello dear, my name is Molly Kyle and that is my lovely grandson Jordan Kyle. Nice to meet you two. What may I do for you?"

"So actually, I have to admit that I overhear your conversation about you shop and I want to… kind of … drop in on you so you will give us the chance to rent your place." The words came rushing out.

"Your mother didn't tell you that it is impolite to monitor another conversation?" I flinched slightly at the refer to my mother but I tried to cover my sobbing heart as best as I could.

"Hadn't enough time with her so that she could have taught me that, I guess." I honestly told her. She should see that I'll be plain with her. I felt Camilles hand at my shoulder. The comforting action, she always did, when my parents were mentioned.

The vision of Mollys eyes turned into a sympathetic glare and she told us to sit down. We chatted through the whole morning and by noon we really had the' yes' of Molly. She really gave us a chance and I couldn't be more happy. I joyfully hugged first Camille and then kissed the cheek of the old lady across me.

Everything, which came after this special meeting, was history.

Three days later, Camille and I signed the contract. We could now live our dream - opening up our own photostudio. I would be the one taking the pictures and Cammi did the whole advertising and promoting thing.

And from the first minute, we had opened our little business, everything worked just fine. We really didn't redecorate the rooms much, just some new colors on the walls, nothing more, and that saved us a lot of money. Money we could instead put into getting public.

Some days went by and there, we had our first customers. Proud parents wanting to get pictures of their newborn babygirl. I did my magic and of course they were happy by my work I had done. They recommended us and by that the landslide began. It was stunning. Within a month we made a name. Our awareness level sprang beyond the border of New York. "Rainbow Pictures" was in everyones mouth.

* * *

A smiled apeared while going through the memories. Cammi and I really made it. I was proud of that. For the first time in my life, everything seemed to work out just the right way.

I stepped into the entrance area of the studio calling for Camille and I instantly got an angry anser.

"Where the hell have you been, Bane?" _Damn, calling my lastname was never a good sign._ I heared footsteps coming nearer. "You *do* realize what time it is? And more importantly what day it is?" The echo came now from the room next room where we normally took the pictures. Seconds later Camille stormed through the door, opening his mouth again to yell another sentence at me, but stopped, wildly blinking at me.

* * *

"You look like shit." _There she was, Camille at his best…._

"Well thank you darling. Always loving your empathy." I gave her a faked hurt face.

"Hipster would call it *used * and they pay a lot for looking like that on purpose. " she grinned "Besides I called it muddy-look already and I think it damn suits me. Mud is the new green this season so I've been told!"

"By whom? Chairman?"

"Well this little furry of hell is at the moment non-available."

"What?!"

"Just don't ask…." I shrugged and she immediately came closer for a hug. She knew me so well. There were no needs to say that my morning didn't went well. She just knew and stopped being mad at me.

"But honey, don't get me wrong, but you can't take pictures today while looking as if a barista vomited on you." _Well, she had a point._

"Go home Maggie, and chance. I can handle the preparation until then and the band won't be here before 2 pm. And later on Ragnor will come to work too." He was our first employee, because nowadays, we had too much work to do and therefore we just needed another helping hand.

"But the damn water." I whimpered like a baby.

"What?!" She was confused, sure she didn't know that I was referring to the icy water at my flat. But babbling like a toddler won't help me aswell. I had to think.

"Well, why don't you take the shower at Woolseys apartment?" she suggested as if she is capable of reading my mind. But she got the definitely wrong name in her sentence.

"Camille, we're done. Remember?!"

"So what? By that you could at least get your cloth back. He didn't bring them to you as you had asked him."

"I'll choose the icy water coming directly from the northpole!" and with that I turned around and heading back home again.

* * *

**Told you it is pretty short. Just a climpse of Magnus' working background. Got the chance to intruduce him a little better.**

**Please tell me, what you think. Still very unsure if my work is worth the afford...**


	3. Chapter 3 - Picturing the band

**Note: Hello again. It's only me with a new chapter :-) If you like it, please let me know ^^**

**I messed a little with the original background of the characters, so don't be mad, but I liked the idea of this strange friendship triple :-D**

**Disclaimer: The usual everything isn't mine, except my imagination …**

* * *

I turned the key around and entered my apartment_. _After slamming the door shut I leant against the solid wood. _What a really shitty morning so far. _

With a loud sound I let the key find its right place above the cupboard next to the door again. The same place I had picked it up just an hour or so ago. I deeply breathed out until no air was left in my lungs and til I had the deep urge to let new one in. God, I was so tired and hadn't even worked a single minute. _Well,_ _Long way to go Bane._

I lingered down the hallway towards my kitchen. The bright magenta colored walls of the room made me always smile. Cammi did that while I was a week in LA doing a big photoshoot for a worldwide fashion magazine two month ago. I switched the coffee machine on and while I waited for the coffee, I gave Chairman his food I had totally forgotten this morning. I got a deathly glance of him as a thank you. So he hadn't forgotten our meeting in bed and I poked my tongue out to him as my reply. _Yes, I like you too little rat._ I took my cellphone out of a pocket of my jeans and during that motion, a small paper flew to the ground. I picked it up and saw that it was a business card.

_His _business card. I'd forgotten having it – totally forgotten _him_. I sat down on one of my barstool, closing my eyes while trying to remember how his eyes have looked like. Immediately behind my eyelids a vision of two babyblue orbs was formed. They stared back at me with an intense look. Dear lord, they were breathtaking beautiful. Such a lucid blue with a few sparks of a darker color code. It remembered me of the ocean in front of the beach I was born long time ago. _Ah, Bane, focus, you have his card, look at the card and don't fantasize like a 14 year old boy. _

And I did. I looked at the backside of the card first and got immediately a bit depressed while watching the bright colored picture. It showed him standing _very_ closely at the side of an attractive young lady with fire red shoulder length hair. On the right and left of him and this woman, there were a crew of ten men and women standing. All of them were smiling bright into the camera. You could see that the smiling was a little bit faked by him, but the woman - she smiled as if she wants to own the world by that motion. She seemed to be very happy, standing there, slightly leaning against him. Yep, I hate her_… oh dear Bane, stop that…What's wrong with me? Ten minutes with a gorgeous man on a street and you.. somehow… are getting jealous… about his friend? Sister? Business Partner? Girlfirend?_

I tried to look more closely at the card to distract me and more important my hormones. It's been a very long while since someone could do that to me the way this Alec did. Not even Woolsey got me that close to this state I'm in at the moment. And I didn't know what to think about that… God, only ten fucking minutes with him… and perhaps I will never see him again… so stop thinking about him…

The people on the card all wore white pinafore over their cloth and at the background you could see a huge restaurant kitchen. So he's what… a chief cook? No, this picture must be kidding me. I tried to read the name of the restaurant but the print was to small, and what I saw freaked me out. Above the name I clearly saw two stars. This very shy boy was the main cook of a two star restaurant? Really? Well that's a news…

Instantly I flipped the card around and had a hard time on not choking to death as I read his business function under his lovely name … so, nope, he was not a simple cook – he was the _owner _of the fucking two-star-restaurant called "Elation" – the _in _place to be… dear lord…. Why didn't I see it this morning in the first place? Was I so distracted by the beauty in front of me? _You stupid…._

On the bottom of the card there was the usual writing. Address of the restaurant, telefon number, mobile phone, e-mail and so on. _Wait… mobile number? Here we go Bane, lucky me_. I took my cellphone and registered his number under "gorgeous blue". So now you will definitely pay for my suit, that's for sure darling.

Oppressing the deep urge to send him a message – there is plenty of time for that later I told myself so I wouldn't be too sad by that – I went back to the thing I actually had to do. I was here for cleaning and hell yeah, the photoshoot today. Damnit, this Alec and his distracting magic started to scare me. A lot.

I drank the now cold coffee in one row while swearing to me why I actually did that, because cold coffee taste like well…hell would specified it the best and went to my bathroom. My dream world - where all the magic happened. Well not the love magic… hm, sometimes that as well, but mostly that belonged to my bedroom…I meant the Magnus-look-liked-god-magic.

During my shower I needed to be very brave , because the water was like icy needles over my body. I literally bathed myself in icecubes and I was never that fast finished with showering than now. As I escaped the northpole I breathed in again. Didn't remember holding it.

I watched into the mirror in front of me and instantly a pair of blue eyes looked back. I blinked and the image faded away_. Bane, you reeealy have to stop that, now. Well, yes, he was extremely pretty and yes you would have fucked him right where he was at a club, but you know, this is reality and you have to work today. So be a good boy and stop thinking like a boy hitting his puberty._

And I surprisingly did obey myself this single time. I got changed in one of my favorite outfits – very tight dark green corduroy jeans, a winered velvet shirt with a very deep v-neck showing my muscular chest and all my bracelets and a black light vest. Boots and a belt in the exact same black shade to bring down a round figure. I kept the make-up easy, nothing special or fancy - just a little greenish eyeshadow, a darker green eyeliner and a slightly shining lipbalm. I spiked my hair up with lots of glitter gel and put some green streaks in it. _Yes, honey, I_ _would definitely hit on myself if I wasn't in love with me already._

I went to the kitchen again to grab my cellphone and walked to my exit. By taking my keyes I left my apartment. _Round two – Life 1 : Bane 0_

* * *

"Oh, darling…. You're still alive" Cammi bantered me up but instantly hugged me for greetings as I arrived at the frontroom again.

"Yeah, glad you didn't call the cops to look after me." I laughed back.

"Had 911 on the speed dial for later."

"They would have seen a very mini me during that fucking freezing-to-death-shower."

"Well, thanks for the picture…."

"Your welcome" I kissed her cheeks and went to the room in the back and saw that Ragnor already had arrived. I went to him an d gave him a welcome embrace.

"Thanks for coming on you free time day. I really appreciate that, you know."

"Sure I came. Hello? We have "Blackberries are only dark raspberries" here getting a photoshoot, I would be dumb as nuts if I wasn't here."

"That's what they call themselfs this week? I surely missed that memo. What a stupid name. Personally I liked "Pineaples gone wild" better. But at least the stayed by fruits." He nodded. "Anyway, what do we have to do before they get here?"

"Actually, uhm, nothing. We were very hard-working during you absent." He told me with a proud smile.

"Yeah, you get an extra line on your good-behave-card. Big Promise." I grinned back while crossing my heart with a finger.

He hit me slightly against my shoulder and muttered a _Hate you_ into my direction. "You too darling, you too!" And by that I went to my usual spot in the room, where my baby was – my camera, getting her ready.

* * *

The frontdoor bell rang and Cammi and I changed one final look. "Here we go honey" I said to her and we both went to the entering room meeting the band, every girl would scream her lung out during one of their gigs.

"Simon, darling. It's a pleasure meeting you again. Long time no see" I gave him a long hug and then turned towards the other three bandmembers to say hello , too. "How was your flight?"

"Bumpy as hell. My mom would've flight the damn plane better… But nevertheless, we're here and that's the only thing that counts." Simon smiled.

"Sure she would. She's one hell of a lady, man." I replied with a grin. And that was indeed true, because Mrs. Lewis could fly a damn space rocket if it's needed. First she would scream till her God would be deaf, then she would do the same to a poor flight controller and after that she would safety bring the Boing 747 down by herself. Personally I think she could handle every situation. She's McGyver with breasts - if she needed to disarm a nuclear bomb in front of a kindergarten, she could do it with a bubble gum and a paperbag and within two seconds of course.

Simon let his gaze scroll around the place "It's really amazing to see what you become now, Magnus. I'm really and truely happy for you." He gave me an honest smile. "And good to know you back in the States. I missed you – both of you."

My parents and I moved a lot when I was young, but when I turned fourteen and I had to go to high school they settled down for my sake and well, Simon was my direct neighbor and we were the closest friends by the first second we saw each other. About two weeks after our freshmen year started, a blond girl named Camille moved to our neighborhood and the rest is history - we were instantly a small gang - we three of us-, hanging around all day and doing everything together. Well until my life got rougher because my family was bitten by fate and that all ended in the big escape towards France. Simon couldn't come with us because he had his band and during the five years away, it was very hard to keep up the contact. But since we were back, the relationship started to get better again.

"We too." Camille softly said – her first words since their arrival and now I was extremely relieved, because I had my doubts that perhaps Cammi would make a scene or something if Simon would mention something about the past years. My heart felt hundreds of tons lighter as she went to Simon and gave him a long embrace.

"So guys, should we start?" I asked with a raised eyebrow and pointed at the other room. "We have lots of work ahead. Your best pics ever are waiting for you." And by that the whole group followed me and indeed we had very busy two hours of work.

* * *

By four o'clock we all made a break to gain some new energy back and we all went to the front of the shop to chat some more while we bath in the warm new april sun. Cammi was the last person to join our small group at the sideway.

"In about twenty minutes we can all eat. Saw the caterer arriving at the other side of the building. I opened him the backdoor and now he is setting up the food. And you will be surprise of what I ordered for this special occasion." She proudly said to all of us.

"That's good news, we all are definitely getting hungry. It's as if Magnus can take our life energy from us through his damn camera."

"Yeah, and I'm saving them into my piggybank so I will get two hundred years old. Just need one more heart from a virgin and tive ears from elfs and I could make the spell." I shot back.

"Wish it would be that easy." Cammi said with a dreamy look on her face.

"Oh, honey, you will always look like the prettiest woman in the whole world." I gave her a small kiss on her forehead.

"O please, can I clone a straight version from you?"

"Nope, I definitely want to stay unique, my dear." I smiled brightly at her. "And now the only-me will get you all drinks"

And by that I went into the building heading towards the small kitchen in the farest corner of our shop. To do that I had to go through the room where we take our pictures and where now a man was arranging some catering plates on a table at the opposite wall and he instantly got my attention. He wore a dark blue t-shirt with a brand name on the back, that I couldn't read properly because of the distants between us, a worn-out black baggy jeans and a light blue… _scarf_. Why the hell would he wear a scarf? It's april not december and the sun is brightly shining. So what's with that? It kind of distracted me.

My body automatically started to move forward. In the meantime he put my favorite sweets – I would kill for cupcakes - onto the table. Did Cammi tell him to bring some of them with him or did he just had a good taste by himself I wondered.

I was now only five meters away from him I could clearly read his t-shirt print and dear lord, how could that be? Is this a cruel game from above? I blinked twice, resetting the glare, but still, after opening my eyes again, I read the same name – Elation. _Damn lucky me._

Well of course there were hundreds of people out there having restaurants or caterer but Camille just _had_ to choose him. What a coincidence of cruelty. And besides is Cammi now totally nuts to book a two-star-restaurant for a catering? What are we? Fucking billionairs?!

But dear lord I wanted to thank all gods out there for this opportunity.

I looked at the raven black haired man in front of me and I felt a very cozy feeling starting to build in the middle of my guts. _Ok, this is definitely not good, Bane._ Being near him felt already very familiar and I had to keep down the urge to just go to him and to caress every single inch of him. He was so damn gorgeous. Just looking at the beautiful backside of Alec made me weak and I lost my track of reality. Could one single day change everything? I didn't recognize myself anymore. I was totally fallen for someone I barely know. Well barely was actually too much. I really only knew his name and his working address so far, but nevertheless, this man in front of me will be my fate, that's for sure.

He still wasn't aware of my presents. I saw that he was deeply taken away by his work as if Alec had totally forgotten of everything around him and by that he remembered me of myself. I could totally dedicate myself to one single thing and I would be the happiest man in the whole world just by doing this special thing. Taking pictures or cocking food - both are emotional passions – a hobby which made it into your job and from which you could pay your rent and could there be something more beautiful than to get money out of something you really love to do? I guess no.

Alecs gaze ran over and over again through the different plates, as if he was extremely unsure, as if he missed something important, well, as if he was kind of _insecure._ About what? About what could this _handsome_ man insecure? That we wouldn't be satisfied with his work? Did he pressure himself that bad?

I looked up and down his body. Scanning every single inch of him and copying his vision into my mind. The shirt was tighter than his sweater from this morning, exposing more of his muscular body. He should definitely wear more of this because, dear lord sorry for that expression, but he had a godlike body. _Bane, you definitely are screwed!_ _Clearly checking him out._ _Stop that! That's not good. Not now – you don't have a cold shower – well you actual do have but that isn't an option._ _And why the hell do you get the hots for a damn straight one? You masochistic self…._

I cleared my throat to make a sound so that he knew I was there. Didn't mean to frighten him by sneaking up from behind. Nevertheless by my sound, he jumped slightly into the air. His body stiffened up by shock and fast he flew around, just to freeze the very next moment, because apparently he didn't had calculated with me here, well at least he recognized me. That's a start, right? I could work with that. But all my hopes died instant because he just stayed in that frozen status. _God job this morning, Bane, you scared him that much that he now changed into an iceblock the very next moment he saw you again for the first time._ My heart got a little crack and I looked ashamed to the ground.

Slowly he came to live and what I saw than lightened up my foggy mood again. It was gone so fast, but nevertheless I knew what I saw. It was a small smile – an honest smile. Alec Lightwood smiled to me and I was in heaven again.

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**So that's it for now. Tell me please if you liked it :-)**


	4. Chapter 4 - Picturing the unsaid

Chapter 4 – Picturing the Unsaid

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Hey guys,

Just me with a small update.

I'm really concerned if you'll like it.. it's just a little talking in between

But nevertheless, let me know what you think about it =)

deviant97: You will find out what the scarf had covered up ^^

intoxic: I tried to write a little hitting on, but nothing special. This chapter should just warm their connection up and led over to the real story, the hitting will come in later chapters. Hope you're not too disappointed

AngelWithASeraphBlade, maleanddestiel, fictionfairytalesfantasy4921 and Guest: Thank you very much =) You made me happily smile. Hope you like this one, too.

FreakyPumpkin: lots of hugs! Thank you for encouraging me every single day=)

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„Hey…" I desperately tried to start a conversation, the long silent between us got clearly uncomfortable in the meantime and as a thank you he immediately was stiffening up again. What was it with me lately, that I could scare the hell out of people, out of _him_? Was I that ice-blocking?

"Hi." He quietly answered while his gaze trailed to the ground, as if there was something really interesting. It had to be something very precious, why else wouldn't he look at the fabulous me? Wouldn't he?

He blushed lightly and after some deep breathes he cleared his throat, it seemed as if he didn't know what to do, how to handle this situation. And I silently nodded in my mind, this _was _awkward, I had to do something about it. I'm not an unexperienced teenager anymore, who would just drool over his crush into sleep, never having the courage to ask him out or even talk to him.

"I really _adore_ your restaurant." Oh dear… Bane… you _are_ a greenhorn… There are thousands of questions you could have asked and you start with his work?! Really? Go and take a flirting lesson with Camille again. And please start with 101 all over again…

But at least I got a reaction. It was only a deeper blushing, but at least it was _some_ reaction. What do the celebs always say – 'better bad press than no press' - right? But the best was that his eyes met mine. Blue ocean orbs were locking with golden autumn ones and I could see his little laugh lines at the corner of his beautiful vision. He really was enjoying my compliment. I sighed in relieve and it emboldened me to keep on going. I really could get used to his amazing smiles. It looked good on him and I wanted him to have the opportunity to smile all the time.

"Thank you." It was an honest reply, as if he was really honored. His eyes were shining in bliss. Like a very proud owner, like someone who is very proud of his work, his self-made success.

"And _you_ did a fantastic job in the last Vanity Fair."

"What?!" I almost chocked on myself. What had he just said? He couldn't read such magazines, could he? And in the next sentence he would tell me that he had subscribed to Vogue. Clearly not…

He chuckled a bit – a sound that made me immediately smile, it was felicity to my ears. "Izzy is addicted to that stuff and sometimes she obliged me reading it with her. She thinks that I should stay up-to-date and reading this is as good and informative as watching the news… at least in her opinion..." His smile spread over his whole face while he mentioned the girls name and it cracked my heart, squished it and threw it into the next trashcan. I had a hard time not to show my deep disappointment. The red-haired woman on the card… she had to be Izzy….So he was straight… Damn… Why are all god-looking men always spoken to someone, married or straight? The big mystery for gay single men….

"Well then I should be honored that I caught your interest between all the boring articles and topics." I laughed, trying not to let the depressed outgoing of the conversation shown on my face. It's not as if that didn't happen to me before. I'm used to getting the hots for straight ones, but with him it clearly annoyed me. This Alec was breath-taking, his slight coyness, his politeness, well just everything around him was making me addicted.

At least I got this moment with him and I will save this in my memory so I could always feed from it till I find happiness someday in the future. But nevertheless I didn't want to end it.

"Yeah, well, I actually read the whole article… about the reason why you chose violet as your greater theme…it was impressing… really!" And he blushed again. It clearly was his hobby, the blushing thing. I never met someone who seemed to like the color of tomatoes as much as he did. But as strange as it was, I started to really like it, it showed his sensitive side, made him kind of sympathetic, kind of loveable that he had a sense for embarrassments …

"You _really_ read it?" It astonished me – deeply rocked my world. This man in front of me surprised me a lot. He looked just like an average man – nothing fancy about him-, but underneath the surface he shone bright and clear; you just have to look carefully as if he was like a diamond on a ring in a box – it's there all the time, but it will only shine when you open the box and look at it in the bright sun.

I just wasn't able to figure him out yet. One by one he mutated into a great mystery. First he was the owner of a prosperous restaurant, earning a lot of money every day and yet he preferred to wear worn out sweaters and cloth in the mornings or at work for that matter, because his jeans clearly didn't deserve the label of black anymore. And second he _had_ a sense of color or at least an interest or elsewise he wouldn't had read the whole article about the new way of working with color filters and yet he preferred the darker shades, as if it made him more comfortable that he could melt in the crowd with black and blue, not wanting to stand out of the mass. As if he didn't want to be discovered, as if he liked his staying in the ring box more then to shine bright in the sun, like I tried to do it all the time. As if his chosen combination of cloth and color gave him his needed confident to keep going.

And it made me shiver in joy, he was so different and that had always fascinated me. I wanted to know him better, wanted to discover all the unknown surprises of him. I needed to see him as the _real_ Alec.

"So…uhm… how did it start… your fascinating into cooking?"

He did the installation of the buffet with such a passion. It was just a small and simple part of his job, but he did it with the same devotion as if he was cooking a five-course dinner for the Queen of England. Hell, he was the owner of the restaurant and he took his time to deliver his food. Well that was indeed a very interesting question. Why did he actually do this part of his work in the first place?

After some seconds of thinking he started to snort with laughter, a laughing which immediately infected me. I looked at him and I just had to giggle myself. It was a rare scene and I wanted to join in, be a part of this, be a part of _him_.

"Well…" He had to oppress his sniggering hard. "I didn't want to die young because of food poisoning." And his titter started again as he saw my irritated gaze while I tried to mouth a '_Wha_t' like a fish gasping for air.

"My sister isn't… uhm… let me say 'very talented' in cocking…" He couldn't stop laughing and I had the deep wish that he never end with that. "…and since my mom wasn't at home very often, learning to cook by myself was the only option to escape the starving to death part. And I got caught on it… After some weeks I became really good at it and my new found hobby was pretty impressing for me… to have the opportunity to discover how all the set meals taste like when they were done the _right_ way…"

"Was the cooking that bad?" I asked with raised eyebrows, never believing that such a success story could have started by this simple problem solving.

"From my sister? Well, she has the power to scorched boiled water." Another giggling wave went through his body, letting him seesawed to his sides and he hold his stomach with one hand – a motion I wanted to adapt, with my hand on his abs, slowly gliding above his soft skin, making him to shiver in bliss. Bane… focus…. Earth on Bane… he is talking to you…. And by that I realized he really was speaking and all I could hear was his last words of the question "…. were you thinking?" He looked at me with his amazing sea blue eye – and once again I was flashbacked to the ocean near my home tome Jakarta, the ocean there had the same special color, moments before dawn rose, just a little lighter than the color of a sapphire. The sight of this perfect man let me forget time and place, let me dream of my past, peacefully running with my parents along the beach. I was happy back then, as happy as I was now, in this moment, with him and a warm sensation flowed through my body, heating me, giving me the feeling of safety and home, making my body shiver in bliss and my feet numb. My brain was already in a jelly-like status.

"Sorry?" This time it was my turn to blush. I deeply was embarrassed by not having listened to him, didn't want to give him the idea that he bored me.

"Just asked where your thoughts were. You seemed pretty far away… sorry… I didn't mean to bother you… I should finish preparing… " Oh god, I did it…. "No!" I literally screamed at him and I cleared my throat and my mind. Stupid me always failed at first talks… damn… "No, really, that was _not_ the matter!"

"And what _did_ you think about then?" 'About your handsome body and the different things I would do with it' I wished I could have answered. At least it was the truth, he _was_ gorgeous as hell… and he took my breath away – something which didn't happen very often. The last time was years ago, five years to be more precisely… and it went awfully wrong….

"You're the owner right, so why did you deliver the food by yourself?!" Oh you brain-Bane… more bluntly and you would have just drooled like a toddler… You did never well with time pressure while thinking… hell you never did well with _thinking_ for that matter. Always coming up with stupid little ideas, unwillingly hurting the once I love and care for by them, always _being_ the reason for injuries, pain and despair…

And of course this time it wasn't any different. I really didn't do well by asking that question, because immediately his beautiful eyes darkened, in fact just a second, but I knew what I saw and it made me not happy, to see dull clouds covering the handsome sight of him, to see him hurt, weak and broken in one single moment, to see _fear_.

I had the deep urge to step towards him and take him in a long and caressing embrace, to banish his rainclouds above his head. The need overrun me like a tsunami and I was swept away by it in a huge swirl of compassion, anxiety and protective instinct for the man in front of me.

"Wanted to… get away…" It was an honest answer and it touched my heart, to know that he trusted me – a man he met only hours ago, but all that mattered was the fact that he _did_ and I silently promised him, that I would never let him down… yet not knowing that this promise would cost me more than I was ready to give, that one day it would take everything I had…

"Want to talk about it?" I tried my luck, looking at him with an understanding gaze, wanting to ease him, wanting to sooth him. This beautiful man should be protected and not suffer from whatever it was what bothered him. And I wanted to be that man, who shielded him from everything what went wrong. I wanted to be the man instead, who gave him pleasure.

"Not really... " Sure…. As I had foreseen and I sighed. I had to draw my psychology card.

"Sometimes work is hell, huh?" Giving him an option to back away from the real topic and his reaction showed me that he did, a slight second he stiffened up just to relax the other second while realization that I didn't clue the real topic and he easily gave in. O dear, Alec, what else was it what made you this tense and depressed?

"Yes… with success there comes the pressure….you know…" He tried to lighten up the situation but failed, I could look through his façade. Something was up and I needed to know the reason. What made a grown up man shiver like leaf in pure anxiety? What could a man done wrong to get so restless when the topic changed personal? And what was necessary to gain the needed knowledge?

But it wasn't the right time and clearly not the right place to force him into admits.

"Exactly. And if you have a goal, you always fight to reach for it. It gives you the impulse to move on. Cammi and I were just lucky back then. We met the right people at the right time, but not everyone is as lucky." I told him, wanting to show him something from me, as exchange for some personal answers of him, wanting to relax him by changing the topic onto me.

But again I failed because it seemed as if it sadden him even more, letting his eyes shine with a slight surface of tears and he once again looked to the ground, breaking our small connection we had developed. What was it lately with me? I felt like I transformed into a giant elephant in a porcelain shop, rumbling with my butt to a hip hop beat.

I had to think – fast. Find a topic which made you normally happy? Okay, find a topic except of sex which made your normally happy?

"Who gave you the hint to bring cupcakes with you?" Okay, cupcakes came directly after sex on my like-chart – at least for my palate – but I could let count it nevertheless as a harmless theme, if you leave out the option that you could misuse the cream on top for…. Hell, stay tuned dude….Really, what was wrong with me? The unbelievable hot man in front of you had real issues while your my south had the only need to hump him? You are clearly fucked up….

"My stomach." And there it was again, his amazing smile, which let me drown in an ocean full of bliss and joy and a pack of butterflies captured the middle of my body, wildly flying through me, making me giggle from deep within.

"He did a pretty good job…" I assured him. ".. he chose my favorite one – blueberries with chocolate whip - black and blue – always my favorite combination." I tried to purr the end softy and he got the hint, because his cheeks had an unhealthy red color again.

"Well…" he cleared his throat and captured my eyes, fixing our visions. "…you know, I'm more into cinnamon ones – the more exoticflavored ones always got my interest – but like they always say 'Everyone to his taste', I guess…"

And I was stunned, braindead or at least too jelly to born a clear thought. Where did that came from? And what was it with the whole blushing mess. Was blushing that infectious?! It clearly had to or why else was I the tomato guy at the moment? And where the hell did that came from? Had the matrix restarted and I didn't get the memo? Was it real? Did I heard it right or was it just a fantasy, a vision the cruel universe had sent to agonize me a little. As if I hadn't suffered enough in the past… fuck you fortune!

"Why not try to mix them and create something new? Something… perfect?" Why not, why not giving him the hint that I… that I … what? Like him? Adore him? Care for him? After some hours? After some minutes of talking? Damn I …_did_!

I never was a man, who believed that happiness could come that easily to me – that love could hit me by first sight. My past was a living proof for that impossibility and I stopped hoping for salvation a long time ago.

But this Alec was different – something about him scratched on the heavy wall of bitterness around me, leaving some claw marks, leaving some scars and bruises – something about him let me _change_.

I stepped forward, wanting to catch one of the delicious cakes, because easting is a lot more fun than talking about them – and of course I had to reserve me one before Camille had the chance to get her fingers on them and that meant that all the cupcakes would be gone, into her belly… - but Alec misread the action and backed in a hurry away. He hit the table behind him and because he tried not to fall into the prepared food table he fell over his feet and flat onto the ground.

And immediately went to his side, wanting to assure that he was alright. And as he scratched with his right hand over his head while he let out a deep pain moan, something black from his neck to his collarbone caught my attention – the place where his scarf was only seconds ago and which now was half above his face, covering his gaze towards me.

After he had worked himself through the first shock, he quickly straightened his cloth and stood up, leaving me alone on the cold ground. I had more issues to work through and my world started to spin. All four walls flew by and my brain was aching.

I saw a bruise - a bruise which clearly couldn't come from a hickey…

My mouth fell open and I had to oppress the urge to directly ask what the cause was and just at the moment I had lost the inner battle, finally the world stopped driving the roller coaster and I saw him.

For the first time since this morning I saw _him_. He was like a shy deer caught by the drivers light – unable to run but nearly feared to death. Mortified that somebody came behind his surface, behind his wall which covered his well-kept secret.

And I would be the hunter – already got on track. Whatever the reason was what caused this, it will stop – _I_ will stop it.

But I knew, today was not the day to save him, but I would be like a bloodhound – at the end I will find my prey – his redemption.

"Everything ok? Did you hurt yourself?"

"No… thanks…. Everything's just fine…" He assured, wildly blinking and keeping his eyes on the ground in front of him and from what I had seen I couldn't believe him anymore. Nothing was fine…

"And…uhm… it's time… I need to get back to the restaurant…. The…. The preparation for the evening begins…." He almost whispered, more to himself than addressing towards me.

He turned around, took all his empty transportation plates and with a stuttered 'Bye' he almost ran out oh the exit towards the backyard, leaving a cold and empty room behind – leaving a cold and empty _me_ behind.

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**That's it for now… Hope you liked it. If so pleeeease leave a review. It would make me soooo proud. Every single one of them brings a smile to my face =) **

**So make me smile =^.^=**


	5. Chapter 5 - Picturing the pain

**Chapter 5 - Picturing the pain**

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Hello everybody.

Thank you so much for your lovely reviews :-)

Here is the next chapter =^.^=

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Disclaimer: The usual not mine blabla….

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**Alec's POV**

I run.

I just run for my life; like a deer feared to death because it was followed by a pack of hounds, knowing that its life would soon be over, knowing that there was nothing to prevent it from happening, that the end was a final decision.

And just like that had my world also ended the moment he saw it. The moment he had a glimpsed look behind my surface, had the chance to look behind my pretended happy life. The curtain had fallen down, letting him see my shattered existence - a life which was lying with a broken spine in front of me in the dirt, slowly bleeding to death.

Only after I reached my safety haven, the van parked in the backyard of the building, I let myself breath again, trying to gain back some control over my wildly spasm body. Adrenalin was still rushing through my veins, letting my heart beat in a fast pace.

It was all automatism trained for years. The moment somebody could see the real me, my body got in charge and did what it had to do to cover everything up, keeping my well-hidden secret.

But this was different. This wasn't good, no, this was definitely _horrifying_.

He saw it. Damn, he saw the fucking bruise.

He had that typical pity look in his eyes - eyes which had haunted me since this morning. He had that special sorry-expression on his face – a face I just wanted to caress in a very gentle way, feeling his soft skin under my fingertips, wanted to trail along from his caramel toned cheeks down to his beautiful pink lips, wanted to taste his exotic flavor.

For me he was the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden, hanging there fully seasoned in a tree, glistering like a precious red diamond in the summer sun, watering my mouth. But the moment I would reach out my hand for it, I would be bitten by a poisonous snake which will protect the apple with its life, giving me the clear hint that I would never get the chance to eat a bite of it.

I had to think straight, think about a way I could explain this to him. I just knew he would ask after it. It was natural, people always had the urge to help, but they couldn`t help me. They all should leave me alone. I can handle everything by myself.

So I needed a good lie now. At least he was new so I could use all the excuses I had given to Izzy before. They had worked back then so why wouldn`t they work with him?

I let my head fall down on the steering wheel and closed my eyes. It was all fucked up.

I was getting more careless, getting myself in needless trouble. Why had I only worn a thin t-shirt with a small scarf? Damn I was so stupid. I was too lazy to cover the bruise with make-up. And now I had the pay-off. Well thanks a lot you scumbag….

And of course I had to fall, exposing my neck. Damn Murphy's Law. God, I always hate the knowing look people gave me afterwards as he did.

But how could I have known that this job would lead me to this situation? To _him_?

Of course I would have prepared myself better. But back then I just thought that it would be a quick deliver. A fast job to get away from him at least for some minutes, a welcomed escape to get time to recover, to _heal_.

He was rough this morning. My delay made him angry and an angry mood was never good. It made him even more aggressive. It forced him to do his beating in a more brutal way.

So therefore I welcomed this here with open hands, but now things were only getting more complicated, were getting worse.

In despair I hit the wheel with a hand, letting out my upcoming anger. This all wasn't fair. What had I done wrong to get that life? To get that punishment?

I just wanted to protect my family, wanted to shield them from him. But instead of helping me out so I can get through this a little easier, to survive this without breaking into pieces during the process, universe was a cruel bitch and had fun in giving me these shitty situations to handle.

My altruism didn't get me extra credits, but nevertheless I needed to keep on going, at least for the sake of my family.

So I cleared my throat, started the engine and drove back to the restaurant.

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After I had park the van in its usual parking lot I went inside and was immediately welcomed with a warm hug from Izzy.

"Hey my beloved brother." She gave me a brief kiss on my cheek. "Where have you been? Sebastian was awaiting you here, but after a call from someone who had asked for you, he went directly home." She updated me while we were heading towards the big kitchen. It was already fully loaded with our staff and every single one of them was hectically preparing for the upcoming evening. They were acting like a big ant farm would do but with a lot more chaos and noise in it.

"Did he tell you who the caller was?" I asked her with raised eyebrows, hoping that it wasn't a male one. That would have made everything even worse. Sebastian's jealousy was his biggest impulse.

"No, he just told me that he will wait for you at home, preparing a _surprise_." She emphasized her last word and gave me a knowing wink, turning her face instant red and a big smile grew across it. And all I deeply wished was that she was right with her speculation.

But the honest truth, the brutal reality, was that she was just too innocent to guess the real meaning of his "surprise". She would never know that it was his code word I feared the most.

It meant that I had done something wrong.

It meant that I needed punishment till I gave me his forgiveness.

It meant unutterable pain through his domination.

He would wait at home for me and the moment I walked through our front door I would suffer.

I closed my eyes, trying to control my upcoming urge to scream, my body was already set on alarm, deeply scared. But I had to gain the upper hand of my thinking, my reactions. I needed to smile, giving her the hint that she was absolutely right with her guess. I needed to play my well-trained role that everything is okay, that I was happy.

She should see Sebastian as my perfect loving partner. That was what he forced me to do. They should all look at him and only see his perfect look, his perfect character, his perfect fucking everything.

But there is nothing like perfection - nowhere.

It had started so well back then when we met, years ago.

We both fell in love the first second our eyes locked. I have never believed in love on first site, but Sebastian proofed me wrong. He had an astonished beauty, he was well educated, had a great sense of humor and well, he was one of the last real gentleman.

Back then I thought he was _perfection_.

From the first day we were like one unit, never apart, and after like about 3 or 4 weeks we moved together and the nightmare began.

He got more and more aggressive and with every single day he developed a stronger domination. I had to report every half an hour what I was doing, where I was and with _whom_ I was.

First I thought it was cute. Being jealous meant that you deeply cared for your partner and that you didn't want to lose him. But quickly I had to realize that this wasn't just a slight jealousy. No, it was a morbid feeling, he was completely controlled by his green-eyed monster and his demon wanted not only to control him, no, it also wanted to gain the power of _me_. And it did its domination through pure violence and fear.

That was when the cuteness died.

The first time he hit me with his bare hand in my face, his perfection died out, shattered into tiny little pieces; every one sharp like a needle and only made for the greater purpose of giving me an immensely amount of pure pain.

It was also the first time I needed to go to hospital because of him. He did his first time really well, letting me see everything he was capable of.

And when I woke up three days later, looking into his darkened eyes, he told the words which had crashed down my world, changed it till now_. _

"_If I wouldn't subdue, he would do the exact things to everyone I love."_

What would you do to protect your family? Your siblings? Everything in my case. I had no choice than just do what he told me to do and I played my role well.

I let him be a part of my life, my family, our wealth; I even assigned him a part of the restaurant. I did everything just to protect my beloved ones.

And he was the dazzling winner, living off the fat of the land.

Since then I only had the job to keep up this thin façade. Just like now. All I had to do was pretending everything was just fine. So therefore I opened my eyes again and smiled back at her.

"Yeah, isn't he nice? I`m so curious, what would his surprise be?"

"Isn`t your anniversary in a couple of days?"

"Yeah, tomorrow to be more precisely." I corrected her in an automatic way. I had painfully learned that it was healthier for me that I knew all his special dates off pat. It might prevent me from some more bruises.

"See, there you go honey." She ended her giving of evidences with a bright smile. God, my younger sister was so beautiful. I knew why she had the power to snag this guy from the well-known band. What was his name again? Simon or? He had to keep an eye upon her. Every single man was after her. With her think long raven black hair, her noble white paleness and her feminine curves. She was indeed breath-taking. And I needed to protect her innocence. Sebastian should never get the chance to lay his filthy hands on her.

"You're right as usual my smart little baby sister." I pinched in her side, knowing that she always hated it when I named her like that.

But this time she just hugged me instead and told me how much she loved me.

"Love you too." I honestly replied and cleared my throat, overwhelmed by the deep emotion floating through my body.

"So… uhm…what do you have planned for tonight's commendation?" I asked her, trying to change the topic without giving her a reason to scrutinize why I did it.

"Oh, I had a bass from the Atlantic Sea on Tiroler speck, artichoke and Périgord truffle in mind." Her eyes were dreamingly glistering with joy as if she was imagining eating it right now.

"So who are you and what did you do with my sister?" This definitely wasn't Izzy. I only asked her to change the topic, never awaiting a real answer, let alone _this_ answer which was actually pretty good and made sense, the ingredients fit together. This could really work.

"Well thanks a lot!" She said in a played annoyed voice and nudged with her elbow slightly against my side, unknowingly striking a fresh bruise, making me whimper in pain.

"Alec? I'm sorry, didn't know it was so hard." She went to my sight and gentle caressed the place she hit, clearly frightened by my weak appearance.

"S'okay…. I run against a knob somewhere…" I quickly lied and asked her instead: "So do we have everything for this delightful meal?"

"Sure… Jace called our supplier hours ago." I knew she must be very proud of herself. It was the first time she had the courage to decide something by her own. She really did great nowadays; the hard training with Clary really seemed to work. It was a blessing that we found her, well, that Jace found her.

Clary was a cook beyond comparison, better than I ever could be and I can say that without any jealousy. She really was great and she deserved to know the truth; that I was a fan of her since the first evening meal we had together to introduce her into our family.

"Thank you a lot, Izzy… really. You're the best!" I hugged her once again and walked to the dressing room to put on my apron, making my ready to cook but I was interjected in the middle of my doing by two hands from behind.

"Hadn't Izzy already told you that it's your evening of?" A person from behind whispered in my ears and as I turned around I saw the red-haired woman I had thought of seconds ago.

"Clary… please….let me stay… I love to cook with truffle!" I pouted. It was true, that I hadn't cooked with such exquisite ingredients since ages and I was really looking forward to it, but to be honest the real reason was that I didn't want to go home, didn't want to go to _him_.

"Shhh… it's not arguable… go home and enjoy the evening!" She told me with a raised finger as if she was my mother.

"Yes, honey." Izzy started to approve Clary's speech "go and have some quality time with Sebastian."

"Yeah… you're right… I will go…" I sighed "thank you for taking over my shift."

"You're welcomed." Both answered in synchronization.

I waved a good-bye to them, turned around and left the restaurant again, heading directly home.

* * *

When I finally stood in front of our door I hesitated, didn`t want to take the last step, knowing it would guide me into my doom.

I took a deep breath, turned the doorknob and entered the apartment.

The room was kept in total darkness and only underneath the door to our bedroom was light shining. I had to swallow a big lump down my throat. This felt like I was a lamb walking down to the shambles.

"Hey honey, where are you?" I asked with a light voice, trying to sound as innocent as possible. "I really missed you." Showing him my affection sometimes worked to calm down his raged mood, but I didn't get a reaction back, that was always a bad sign.

And as I bravely entered the room, I immediately knew this evening wouldn't end well for me. His black eyes were burning with pure hatred, scanning me with seething anger and I was only awaiting the outburst which would come soon.

I couldn`t stand his piercing look anymore and closed my eyes while I heard him coming near me. He stopped only a few inches away from me and just stood there for some time. I could smell his masculine scent, his favorite perfume with its pungency odor.

"You lied to me this morning." His voice was made out of ice, cooling the air around him, making me shiver. Panic was rising inside of me and my eyes popped open again, deeply horrified. How was that possible? How did he _know_?

"Why did you lie to me, my precious?" Oh god, no… please don't let that happen I begged at everyone up there I knew, but it didn't have an effect because he continued with his questioning.

"Why hadn't you told me that you met a man? That you talked to him? That you gave him your number? That you met him again this afternoon?" The last words were only whispers, barely heard, but nevertheless as destructive as thousands of sharp small needles, ready to rip through my skin.

"You were a naughty boy my dear by committing a sin, my dear." He slowly trailed along my cheek while continuing his speech. "And what do I have to do with sinners?"

I didn't get the chance to answer his question; the brutal hit along my face was making it unnecessary.

That sinners needed punishment.

That sinners didn't deserve salvation.

And I closed my eyes again, letting the world zoom out, as far away as I could manage it so his hits were only some quiet echoes from another world, so that they didn't afflict me, didn't hurt me.

So that it wasn't me lying on the ground, heavy bleeding. That it wasn't me who gotten badly beaten up, who got abused, who got raped.

At least that was what I told myself through the whole time and for a brief moment I truly believed it, imagined that I was at a peaceful place, safe and sound.

It was easier to believe in my own lie than to look in the laughing face of my cruel reality; to realize that somebody was crashing down your world; that this somebody was the one you had once deeply loved and trusted; that it was your partner who nearly killed you with his beating.

And finally just slightly before I couldn't bare the pain anymore the welcomed darkness overwhelmed me and unconsciousness floated over me, covering my body in numbness.

In our darkest hours we will find something which gives us the strength to keep on going – something which pushes us forward.

In my darkest hour the last thing I saw were yellow colored eyes with a few sparks of lemon-green.

* * *

**Thank you for reading.**

**Really hoped you liked it. If so please write a small review.**

**It would make my day **

**So wish you a very nice evening/day.**

**Lots of hugs,**

**Satyana**


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